The 10th Step, a Way of Life?

Steps one through nine are about getting fit. Steps ten through twelve are where I live.  These steps are what help me stay in “a fit spiritual condition.”

In doing step work, I found there is a little to be afraid of – I’m only trying to change my life!  My purpose was to learn how to live a life not ruled by emotion and food.  The truth of the matter for me is that Food was the symptom, the emotional aspect was really the cause.  And by accepting I was powerless over my emotions and food, as I came to understand I was insane and  that a Power greater than me could restore my sanity, I made a decision to turn my will and our lives to the care of God, as I learned of my moral failings, admitted to God and another person what I was doing wrong and I became ready to have God remove these defects, and I asked God to remove my shortcomings and I listed all the wrongs I could and made those amends where possible in not causing another harm, I became in Fit Spiritual Condition (FSC).

The 9^th step promises indicate “before we are half-way through, we will come to know serenity” and not when we complete these steps, but as we work them. 

The tenth step is “Continued to take a personal inventory (Step 4) If wrong promptly admits it (Step 5).”  In the description of how to do this works, we get the idea that throughout and at the close of the day, we look at our behavior and decide if we blew it.  Not to smash our brains into a set of rules, but to get the opportunity to set wrongs to right.  The more I set things right, the less I wanted to behave that way again.  It is a process. 

My first “Abstinences” were the usual do not eat this or that. As I learned the steps and came to understand that “abstinence is about stopping compulsive food behavior.”

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is clear that Alcohol is not the problem.  Food is not my problem either.  Even when I weighed 700 pounds, it was about the emotional turmoil vs what I ate. It is about why I ate.  So now it is still about why I eat.  I eat now for nutrition, not for emotional comfort or “self-care.”  And when I am in “a fit spiritual condition” and I have “ceased fighting anything or anyone-“even food. “For by this time sanity will have been returned.” (paraphrased from the big book of AA, page 84)

So there is a question to I ask myself.  Am I better off today than almost 5 years ago, when I started my current abstinence?  There is no question. 

Because of these steps and the tools, I have learned, especially writing, has turned me into a better person.  I lost most of my family the first year I became abstinent.  My Father in law died, my Mother-in-law, I was her-primary caretaker, passed and my own mother died, as well as my adoptive Dad.  Needless to say, it was a rough couple of years.

Currently, I have personal challenges, and my family has challenges.  Guess what? Challenges are a part of life.  It is about how I deal with it.  Do I do so within the confines of the will of God, my Higher Power or do I try and become the director, and try and change my reality to what I want? 

I am no longer the director, and I am happy to Follow those of God to the best of my ability, striving for perfection, though I am not there yet.

In closing my day, I have found better sleep by doing the following as part of my nightly routine. This is how I do my tenth step.

I have reflected through the day, and written in my journal if I did or did not do something.  The last thing I do before going to sleep: I will not access social media, I do not read anything or listen to anything besides my Pink/Brown noise/music.

I look at my daily log.  I review what I need to do.  And I write down any actions I need to do tomorrow.  Finally, I write what I am grateful for today. I pray for the things I need to pray for. By writing it down, and reflecting on it with a view to solution versus blame, in the light of honesty versus wishful thinking, I can then come up with the proper solution with the guidance of My Higher Power.

NOTE: This material is solely the position and thoughts of the writer.  And do not reflect the beliefs of OA or other 12 step programs.  Reprinting and distribution of this material are allowed as long as no compensation is received for its use.  Feel free to use “written by a Compulsive” or another generic moniker.  I am not looking for anything but to share what has worked for me. 

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.

Definition the hashtag #UDruzhok - Thank you Pavlov

Hashtags are often hijacked, their definition or uses are so unstructured they can be applied far too broadly.  I rarely use them because of so many change meanings and it is a way for folks to hijack my posts.  

So I want to define this one.  On a Bing and Google search on this date (03/26/2019), I find zero results.  So it is currently a "clean" hashtag. 

A bit of History - Ivan Pavlov won the 1904 Nobel Peace Prize for his work with dogs in conditioning behavior.  Through just training, he managed to teach dogs of various breeds to perform an involuntary response.  In this case, salivating.  

In social media, I constantly see people reacting to posts and events, often harshly.  It causes division in society.  Not that we should be dishonest to keep unity! That is a false unity that is currently plaguing the world.

True unity or "fellowship" (noun not verb), is achieved from a common foundation be it background or foundation of thought.  If the basic foundation is different.  there can not be true unity or fellowship.  

As an American, my core political foundation is based on the founding documents.  This means that all people ("men" in the royal Mankind term) are created equal.  And the purpose of government is to provide an environment to allow individuals "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness", among other things.  As a Christian, I have to have a love (agapé) for all people. And I can't hold non-believers to the same standards I hold to myself (this is another blog post though). 

Because of the misuse of social and news media, we are striking pointless divisions.  People want "Unity through diversity" by force.  We join like-minded groups and expound on the evils of what "they" say and generally badger anybody who does not agree, specifically because their "diversity" is wrong.  

How does Ivan Pavlov fit in?  We have conditioned ourselves to react to the "bell" of our social media.  It rules us. Hence the term #UDruzhok - When you slam other people without evidence or logic because you heard this or believe that, you are being a bully-pawn.  

One of the findings of the "Mueller Report Summary" is that the Russian Government DID try to influence the campaign of 2016.  their purpose was to "to conduct disinformation and social media operations in the United States designed to sow social discord, eventually with the aim of interfering with the election." It also cleared Trump and all of his people of wrongdoing in this matter. So whenever you glorify or promote things that cause division, especially without evidence, you are playing into their hands.  This is true whether the Republican, Democrat, Socialist, Libertarian or any other party or group directs us to be unthinkingly aggressive.

When people react to the "bell" of politic or emotional responses I offer you a simple response to identifying such verbiage - #UDruzhok 

Druzhok (Root for #UDruzhok):
In Ukranian, it means "Bully". Russian "Boy Friend" (Interesting no?) - English Buddy. I'm going for the Ukrainian here. It was the name of one of Pavlov's dogs from his 1903 study.

Use: the reactors to the news and social media who are the Bully-Pawns fo their cherished political leanings.

We should have an open discussion and base our decisions on reality. I know that is a tall order, especially for those that believe things like socialism could actually work. Sure, if Jesus Christ was physically in charge, maybe. But the reality is a little different. Hence the reason for the Republic of the United States vs the Democracy of the United States.

The challenge is getting people to accept demonstrated reality. I've had to accept an imperfect president for my entire life. All humans are corruptible and make mistakes. But that is why our republic moves slowly. It is far harder to cause major damage that way. But if we stand on the foundation of reality, intellectual honesty, and actual fact, we can build a truly diverse culture that has a solid fellowship in the belief of individual freedom.

What does that mean? It means you ought not to be able to force people to do what you want, just because you want it.  If you don't like what they do, then don't patronize or associate with them.  But let them have their freedom no matter how much you "feel" they are wrong.  Being ruled by feelings is a dangerous path (Galatians 5:19-22).  

Conversely, just because you feel it does not make it true.  It is a fact that taking another person's life is a bad thing, in most circumstances. Taking somebodies money to pay for what you may think is "right" is also wrong.

As long as you allow me to exercise my natural freedoms, you can be any sexual orientation you want, you can do anything you want as long as it does not impact others.  There is probably another blog post on that idea alone.

But in the meantime...

Have an honest mind.  Trump may have done things illegally at some point.  But the whole Russian Conspiracy thing is a dead horse by any standards.  Find the evidence for the other, just make sure it is evidence, not hear-say. 

A final thought is in 2020, try voting for the candidate that will protect your freedom, not who will institute your will. Because if you can foist your will on me, eventually I may be able to do the same to you. Freedom is the ability to do as you will.  Even if I don't like it.  But remember that using the government to institute will, is using force. Robert A Heinlein said it well in "Starship Troopers" (It actually made it into the trashy movie):

“When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force, my friends, is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.” ~ Lieutenant Colonel Jean V. Dubois (Book character).

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.