I have spent the last several years trying to decide about my self. I have a long history as a Christian and I choose to leave the church several years ago. Just like most folks God did not leave me, I left God. I have never had any doubts about that. But I took along journey in between. My issue with church of course boiled down to my pride, nothing else really. I told my self that is was the other folks pride and prejudices, and yes they may have been a contributing factor. But other folks behavior does not dictate mine. Here is a brief history of my journey.
Early 1970's: My Mom started attending Church. Strangely my Step Father did not. As some folks may know this is a common condition. She was baptized in to Christ and at the age of twelve I followed in her footsteps. By this time I was starting to grow and really believe. By the time I was 17 I wanted to get a little rowdy in a good way. I attended a Missions program called Adventures In Missions (AIM - At Sunset International Bible Institute). It was a great program. At the time it was through the Sunset School of Preaching.
I sojourned in Lesotho Africa and it was a great experience. There were challenges but over all I would do it again in a heart beat.
After I came home things started to change for me. As is somewhat normal the congregation welcomed me home and quickly started treating me like a 14 year old again. For young people coming home for foreign religious service this is a common occurrence. You come home they welcome you home and between an inflated ego on my part and a lack of the ability of my fellow Christians being able to see my spiritual growth and desire to serve. I was not able to continue to be the person I wanted to be. I acknowledge with all humility it was my pride that assisted me in loosing my patience.
I had an incident happen at my home congregation. I am not saying my reaction was correct and I am not going to name names or go into any details except to say it was race related, and it shocked me no end. this was the Nth time a racial issue in the church had shocked me and it was the last straw. From having to be asked if I could live with a African American during school in Texas, for the harassment that both me and my Room Mate endured just because he tanned better than I did. And the last straw being the incident here in San Diego CA that tossed my patience over the edge. I later fell completely away from the Church.I married a non-believer in 1986 who 'till this day is my wonderful wife.
I actually through a period that I did not believe God even existed. If anybody asked me I would say I was an atheist. Now some folk might not understand how I could go from Mission Work to Atheist in about 7 years, I only have to say is I could not "sort of" believe in God. It is all or nothing to me. It is not fair to God if I pretended and and I felt it was disrespectful to the church to just show up and pretend to be Christian.
Some years ago I started fight severe clinical depression. I just started getting treated for it and some things have crossed my mind. It all started wit the Moral Majority and the some folks in the Tea Party. I love the core principles of the Tea Party movement and continue to do what I can to support a re-founding of our Constitutional roots. And having said that, as with the Moral Majority of the 1980's, there are strong religious undertones. I started to write a book, If it is ever published I will let you know and I had to do a lot of research. The core concept of the book is how the bible teaches us to interact with non-believers. There was a lot of reading of the scriptures. That caused me to re-think me position on God. I have spent the last two years thinking and studying . Now I have come back to Christ.
I am continuing to study. I will be posting some musings here and hope folks will comment and help become even more grounded.
Feel free to post comments or if you think I should show your blog because you disagree or agree. Yes Christ and God have welcomed me home. But this is only a restart of a journey I started some 37 years ago.
Phileo
The following reflects only the opinion of the author. Gregor does not represent Overeaters Anonymous or any other recovery program. There is no intent to cause controversy. It is only personal experience.
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