My Weightloss experience, or my Story (So far):

2009,  about My 686 pounds.

People look at me and are shocked how fat I am.  As of this writing, I weigh 448 pounds.  But I was not always that heavy, at one time I was much heavier.  My top actual recorded weight was 686 pounds, in May of 2009.  Prior to that, I had trouble finding scales, but the shirt I wore in this picture at one time was too small for me.  So I weighed considerably more.  But lets stick with the what I can verify.

This picture was taken when I placed membership at the Santee Church of Christ in East San Diego County, California.  I started going back to church at the suggestion of a counselor who was treating me for depression after I lost my job.  Yes, the background was Photo Shopped.  I did not have any control over that.

After losing about 150 pounds on my own, I suddenly shot back up about 75 pounds.  That was in 2013.  I walked in the door ready to find a sponsor and get going.  I did not find one.  I had to go to 6 different meetings to find out what OA could do for me…. Good Idea!  I started searching for somebody to sponsor me from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I finally found my first sponsor.  We will call him “George.” 

My wife said I looked Zen! 3 months of OA, 586 pounds

And I will hug him and kiss him and… George had multiple addictions as many of us do.  He was in AA, NA and OA.  For 3 months he tried to convince me I was an AA as well.  I had assignments to drink booze and wine and prove I could not put it down.  I had no trouble.  I could leave half glasses all over the place.  I could even get a glass and not drink it at all.  You see there was no sense of “Ease and Comfort” for me in Alcohol.  Food on the other hand…

After 3 months in OA,  I lost close to 100 pounds.  I had abstinence that is typical, none of this, none of that.  Track your food and eliminate trigger foods.  Every time I eliminated a new trigger food, another one would pop up.  Eventually, George fell off all of his wagons, all at one time.  He did the right thing and hopped back on.  But I choose to seek sponsorship elsewhere.  Finding a Big Book of AA sponsor (BBAA) is hard in OA.  I tried a few, I did build a support group of like-minded OA folks.  I did not want a friend as a sponsor.  I tried the OA 12 n 12, the book Overeaters Anonymous and other things.  Though I do think the 12 n 12 workbook is an excellent tool, the BBAA is still what I focus my attention on. 

Eating to your health
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I fell off the wagon 3 times.  In 2014 I finally had an epiphany of sorts.  I did not know how to eat well, and all the “advice” I got was mostly wrong for me.  Being the computer geek that I am, I searched for the best, safest and easiest diet I could find.  No matter how I searched, all the research pointed to the Atkins Diet.  So, I built a food plan based on that.  Whole foods heavy in fats, moderate protein, and as few carbs as I could.  I lost 35 pounds the first month.  By week 2 I was never hungry.  I had to set alarms to eat or I would forget.  I had worked my steps at least twice through and started again.  In December of 2014, I found this book:

It changed me again because I learned more about what to eat.  I had started journaling why I ate certain foods in October of 2014.  I came up with my current abstinence after working on it for two weeks:

Abstinence: Eat for the healthy purpose of nutrition. 

(Can you believe it took two weeks for one lousy sentence.  It had to have depth and weight.  This did for me)

So, if I am eating for another reason, I have to decide if I am binging or not. 

 

November 2019, Weight 502 pounds approximately

I was incredibly active in OA in San Diego.  I relocated to Oregon in November of 2017.  I did not seek out OA right away, I got depressed again and probably gained a little weight back.  My insurance company set me up with RealAppeal .  It gave me some accountability, they sent me a food scale, some literature, exercise videos as well as a bathroom scale that could weigh my 495-pound self.  (See Picture).  They have coaches and weekly webinars to help you through.  They are a CICO (Calories In Calories Out) group so I do not follow their meal plans.  I still am Keto, but I do use the accountability.  It has helped.  It also made me seek out OA here, in Oregon.  I am starting back up with meetings and I do online video meetings as well.  One of the meetings I attend, I think I am the only abstinent member.  And most folks here seem to have never opened the BBAA. All I can do is try and be of service. 

August 2019, 448 pounds. 

I have lost 57 pounds over the 10 months of Real Appeal.  I am getting back into OA and I recently was found by somebody who wanted help via video chat.  I now sponsor online.  Though that has its own challenges.  I may post about that later.  Tech is coming, get used to it. 

Why I am sharing my success?  It needs to happen.  I see so many more “I’m struggling” posts.  And for those people, I hope this will be helpful.

If you are in OA and struggling, if you have been reading the material for 10 years, but can’t stay abstinent, remember our program is based on the BBAA!  You might try that.

It worked for me.  

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.

The 10th Step, a Way of Life?

Steps one through nine are about getting fit. Steps ten through twelve are where I live.  These steps are what help me stay in “a fit spiritual condition.”

In doing step work, I found there is a little to be afraid of – I’m only trying to change my life!  My purpose was to learn how to live a life not ruled by emotion and food.  The truth of the matter for me is that Food was the symptom, the emotional aspect was really the cause.  And by accepting I was powerless over my emotions and food, as I came to understand I was insane and  that a Power greater than me could restore my sanity, I made a decision to turn my will and our lives to the care of God, as I learned of my moral failings, admitted to God and another person what I was doing wrong and I became ready to have God remove these defects, and I asked God to remove my shortcomings and I listed all the wrongs I could and made those amends where possible in not causing another harm, I became in Fit Spiritual Condition (FSC).

The 9^th step promises indicate “before we are half-way through, we will come to know serenity” and not when we complete these steps, but as we work them. 

The tenth step is “Continued to take a personal inventory (Step 4) If wrong promptly admits it (Step 5).”  In the description of how to do this works, we get the idea that throughout and at the close of the day, we look at our behavior and decide if we blew it.  Not to smash our brains into a set of rules, but to get the opportunity to set wrongs to right.  The more I set things right, the less I wanted to behave that way again.  It is a process. 

My first “Abstinences” were the usual do not eat this or that. As I learned the steps and came to understand that “abstinence is about stopping compulsive food behavior.”

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is clear that Alcohol is not the problem.  Food is not my problem either.  Even when I weighed 700 pounds, it was about the emotional turmoil vs what I ate. It is about why I ate.  So now it is still about why I eat.  I eat now for nutrition, not for emotional comfort or “self-care.”  And when I am in “a fit spiritual condition” and I have “ceased fighting anything or anyone-“even food. “For by this time sanity will have been returned.” (paraphrased from the big book of AA, page 84)

So there is a question to I ask myself.  Am I better off today than almost 5 years ago, when I started my current abstinence?  There is no question. 

Because of these steps and the tools, I have learned, especially writing, has turned me into a better person.  I lost most of my family the first year I became abstinent.  My Father in law died, my Mother-in-law, I was her-primary caretaker, passed and my own mother died, as well as my adoptive Dad.  Needless to say, it was a rough couple of years.

Currently, I have personal challenges, and my family has challenges.  Guess what? Challenges are a part of life.  It is about how I deal with it.  Do I do so within the confines of the will of God, my Higher Power or do I try and become the director, and try and change my reality to what I want? 

I am no longer the director, and I am happy to Follow those of God to the best of my ability, striving for perfection, though I am not there yet.

In closing my day, I have found better sleep by doing the following as part of my nightly routine. This is how I do my tenth step.

I have reflected through the day, and written in my journal if I did or did not do something.  The last thing I do before going to sleep: I will not access social media, I do not read anything or listen to anything besides my Pink/Brown noise/music.

I look at my daily log.  I review what I need to do.  And I write down any actions I need to do tomorrow.  Finally, I write what I am grateful for today. I pray for the things I need to pray for. By writing it down, and reflecting on it with a view to solution versus blame, in the light of honesty versus wishful thinking, I can then come up with the proper solution with the guidance of My Higher Power.

NOTE: This material is solely the position and thoughts of the writer.  And do not reflect the beliefs of OA or other 12 step programs.  Reprinting and distribution of this material are allowed as long as no compensation is received for its use.  Feel free to use “written by a Compulsive” or another generic moniker.  I am not looking for anything but to share what has worked for me. 

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.

Definition the hashtag #UDruzhok - Thank you Pavlov

Hashtags are often hijacked, their definition or uses are so unstructured they can be applied far too broadly.  I rarely use them because of so many change meanings and it is a way for folks to hijack my posts.  

So I want to define this one.  On a Bing and Google search on this date (03/26/2019), I find zero results.  So it is currently a "clean" hashtag. 

A bit of History - Ivan Pavlov won the 1904 Nobel Peace Prize for his work with dogs in conditioning behavior.  Through just training, he managed to teach dogs of various breeds to perform an involuntary response.  In this case, salivating.  

In social media, I constantly see people reacting to posts and events, often harshly.  It causes division in society.  Not that we should be dishonest to keep unity! That is a false unity that is currently plaguing the world.

True unity or "fellowship" (noun not verb), is achieved from a common foundation be it background or foundation of thought.  If the basic foundation is different.  there can not be true unity or fellowship.  

As an American, my core political foundation is based on the founding documents.  This means that all people ("men" in the royal Mankind term) are created equal.  And the purpose of government is to provide an environment to allow individuals "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness", among other things.  As a Christian, I have to have a love (agapé) for all people. And I can't hold non-believers to the same standards I hold to myself (this is another blog post though). 

Because of the misuse of social and news media, we are striking pointless divisions.  People want "Unity through diversity" by force.  We join like-minded groups and expound on the evils of what "they" say and generally badger anybody who does not agree, specifically because their "diversity" is wrong.  

How does Ivan Pavlov fit in?  We have conditioned ourselves to react to the "bell" of our social media.  It rules us. Hence the term #UDruzhok - When you slam other people without evidence or logic because you heard this or believe that, you are being a bully-pawn.  

One of the findings of the "Mueller Report Summary" is that the Russian Government DID try to influence the campaign of 2016.  their purpose was to "to conduct disinformation and social media operations in the United States designed to sow social discord, eventually with the aim of interfering with the election." It also cleared Trump and all of his people of wrongdoing in this matter. So whenever you glorify or promote things that cause division, especially without evidence, you are playing into their hands.  This is true whether the Republican, Democrat, Socialist, Libertarian or any other party or group directs us to be unthinkingly aggressive.

When people react to the "bell" of politic or emotional responses I offer you a simple response to identifying such verbiage - #UDruzhok 

Druzhok (Root for #UDruzhok):
In Ukranian, it means "Bully". Russian "Boy Friend" (Interesting no?) - English Buddy. I'm going for the Ukrainian here. It was the name of one of Pavlov's dogs from his 1903 study.

Use: the reactors to the news and social media who are the Bully-Pawns fo their cherished political leanings.

We should have an open discussion and base our decisions on reality. I know that is a tall order, especially for those that believe things like socialism could actually work. Sure, if Jesus Christ was physically in charge, maybe. But the reality is a little different. Hence the reason for the Republic of the United States vs the Democracy of the United States.

The challenge is getting people to accept demonstrated reality. I've had to accept an imperfect president for my entire life. All humans are corruptible and make mistakes. But that is why our republic moves slowly. It is far harder to cause major damage that way. But if we stand on the foundation of reality, intellectual honesty, and actual fact, we can build a truly diverse culture that has a solid fellowship in the belief of individual freedom.

What does that mean? It means you ought not to be able to force people to do what you want, just because you want it.  If you don't like what they do, then don't patronize or associate with them.  But let them have their freedom no matter how much you "feel" they are wrong.  Being ruled by feelings is a dangerous path (Galatians 5:19-22).  

Conversely, just because you feel it does not make it true.  It is a fact that taking another person's life is a bad thing, in most circumstances. Taking somebodies money to pay for what you may think is "right" is also wrong.

As long as you allow me to exercise my natural freedoms, you can be any sexual orientation you want, you can do anything you want as long as it does not impact others.  There is probably another blog post on that idea alone.

But in the meantime...

Have an honest mind.  Trump may have done things illegally at some point.  But the whole Russian Conspiracy thing is a dead horse by any standards.  Find the evidence for the other, just make sure it is evidence, not hear-say. 

A final thought is in 2020, try voting for the candidate that will protect your freedom, not who will institute your will. Because if you can foist your will on me, eventually I may be able to do the same to you. Freedom is the ability to do as you will.  Even if I don't like it.  But remember that using the government to institute will, is using force. Robert A Heinlein said it well in "Starship Troopers" (It actually made it into the trashy movie):

“When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force, my friends, is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.” ~ Lieutenant Colonel Jean V. Dubois (Book character).

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.

A Study of "Intention"

On July 7th, 2016 a lone gunman in Dallas Texas executed a well thought out attack on primarily Peace Officers. during a peaceful protest proclaiming “Black Lives Matter” after some horrible incidents in other parts of the country earlier that week. Some people call this black on white violence, but I beg to differ. It was hate of Law Enforcement, not race that drove this.
The shooter’s parents spoke to The Blaze and described how this patriotic American who joined the US Army to protect his country, came home a changed man. He went off to websites and became obsessed with “Racial-Justice” to the point he planned this attack. Was it the fault of sites like “Black Live Matter” that this person turned to violence? No. It was the act of what had become an unbalanced person ruled by emotions.
The very concept of hyphenating the word “Justice” is actually insane. Justice: “the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments” is by definition “Impartial.” This country was created because of the partiality of King George of Great Britton.
When America declared her independence from the Kingdom of Great Briton, the 13 Separate colonies declared as one country, The United States of America.
Why have we wondered from that model? Being only an American? - Class Politics
If you read the Declaration of Independence there are a few things to notice:

1. The purpose of the declaration: “When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”
   
   Separation from one authority, establishing their own united authority.
   
2. Why this authority is needed? – “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
   
   Rights not recognized by “Him” King George.
   
3. The result: “That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...”<

The idea of “unity” is not based on recognizing what is different among people, but what is the same. By promoting a “Separate but equal” mentality, we promote strife and cause division. Like Orwell’s “Animal Farm” some people end up more equal than others. If we were to focus on individual rights, real rights that are granted by the very status of being alive, not conjured rights supplied by force, we can agree on certain things.

Everybody is created by God or by happenstance to be equal. There is no qualifier based on race, ability or gender.

Each of us has the right to live, and we have the right to have liberty. Liberty is a sticky term because people confuse it with freedom that some think is “cost-free” but it is not. Liberty is simply unencumbered in this case by the government, while freedom is a state of being. Not a thing granted.
In 1835 Texas won its independence from Mexico, the people referred to themselves as Texans, there was unity in purpose. And in 1845 they choose to become Americans by joining the still fledgling United States of America. They unified behind the ideals enshrined in the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. Many Texans had been Americans that left because of perceived oppression by the newly formed nation. Yet for their own freedom from the tyranny of Mexico, they choose to join the American Republic.

Why the history lesson? To show how unity really occurs. Not by the celebration of differences but the recognition of commonality. Not that we ought not to allow, even embrace our differences’! On the contrary, America in the late 1800s was the most inventive period anywhere in the world. Where great inventors like George Washington-Carver (Born into slavery 1861 in Missouri), Thomas Edison (Father Canadian, Mother 1st Generation American), Nikola Tesla (Serbian Immigrant), literally changed the course of culture and laid the groundwork for everything we have today.
It is much easier to go in the same direction when you look at what is the same. But we never hear about that. We are preached to about "Racial Justice" or "Social Justice.' How about just simple justice under law. Under the rock-solid principles not left to individual interpretation? So many want justice for themselves and oppression to others. When is your desire an infringement of another's rights? Is it an infringement of your rights when somebody says no to you? If you think it is, you don't know what a right is.

I contend if we started to vote for the principals, instead of the empty and false promises from either side that is what could unify us again. We can all agree on so many things.
Though I am no advocate of violence, I’ve come to agree with Robert A Heinlein, a 20th century Science Fiction Author. In “Starship Troopers” (December 1959), Mister Heinlein described voting as a violent act: “When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force, my friends, is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.” Markedly similar to Mao Tse-Tung’s" Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.” (Problems of War and Strategy, November 1938) But different in the idea that the violence of voting is not directly harmful. But it can be indirectly harmful.

If we as individuals considered voting to be violent, hence used the same consideration before voting as we would before defending ourselves, our world or at least our country would be a far better place.

Progressives make an effort to hide that they think voting is a violent act, they couch it in terms to sound better, “Social Justice,” “Economic In-Equality” and any number of cute phrases to hide the idea of theft from one person to give to another. These are all acts of violence. Solely because they are backed by the power of the government whose only recourse is violence!
What does this have to do with a lone gunman that shot 12 peace officers on July 7th? If equality under the law was our driving force, and not making somebody else more equal than others, this whole thing could be solved in short order.

I will not take sides with Black Lives Matter, the Law Enforcement Community or with a loan sniper who struck innocents on the July 7th event killing 5 and injuring so many others. I will applaud the police officers (regardless of genetics) that protected the protest participants (regardless of genetics) with their live because it was the officers chosen duty to do so.

I ask you to look to principles versus emotions. To unity of purpose versus diversity of condition. I am an American. I’m not a Nordic-American, a White-American, a Christian-American or an obese-American. Though these terms all describe me accurately, the truth is I am simply an American. Anybody who wishes to come here, and values the principals governing this land is welcome to be an American too.

The sooner we can stop the sub-division of culture, allow people to celebrate their lives as each sees fit, yet promote that all people have the right to “life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The sooner that we can stop this insanity of division.
In America, you are not the sum of your genetics, but the total of your potential that matters. And "potential' can be changed. Our Constitution was designed to allow you to fill that potential to the reaches of your imagination. Can we stop imagining making another pay for history? Can we picture a free country that made this country as vibrant as the roaring '20s, a product of deregulation and reduced taxes during a worse recession than 1929?
To steal a tag line from the SyFy Channel ® – Imagine Greater.
Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.