My Weightloss experience, or my Story (So far):

2009,  about My 686 pounds.

People look at me and are shocked how fat I am.  As of this writing, I weigh 448 pounds.  But I was not always that heavy, at one time I was much heavier.  My top actual recorded weight was 686 pounds, in May of 2009.  Prior to that, I had trouble finding scales, but the shirt I wore in this picture at one time was too small for me.  So I weighed considerably more.  But lets stick with the what I can verify.

This picture was taken when I placed membership at the Santee Church of Christ in East San Diego County, California.  I started going back to church at the suggestion of a counselor who was treating me for depression after I lost my job.  Yes, the background was Photo Shopped.  I did not have any control over that.

After losing about 150 pounds on my own, I suddenly shot back up about 75 pounds.  That was in 2013.  I walked in the door ready to find a sponsor and get going.  I did not find one.  I had to go to 6 different meetings to find out what OA could do for me…. Good Idea!  I started searching for somebody to sponsor me from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I finally found my first sponsor.  We will call him “George.” 

My wife said I looked Zen! 3 months of OA, 586 pounds

And I will hug him and kiss him and… George had multiple addictions as many of us do.  He was in AA, NA and OA.  For 3 months he tried to convince me I was an AA as well.  I had assignments to drink booze and wine and prove I could not put it down.  I had no trouble.  I could leave half glasses all over the place.  I could even get a glass and not drink it at all.  You see there was no sense of “Ease and Comfort” for me in Alcohol.  Food on the other hand…

After 3 months in OA,  I lost close to 100 pounds.  I had abstinence that is typical, none of this, none of that.  Track your food and eliminate trigger foods.  Every time I eliminated a new trigger food, another one would pop up.  Eventually, George fell off all of his wagons, all at one time.  He did the right thing and hopped back on.  But I choose to seek sponsorship elsewhere.  Finding a Big Book of AA sponsor (BBAA) is hard in OA.  I tried a few, I did build a support group of like-minded OA folks.  I did not want a friend as a sponsor.  I tried the OA 12 n 12, the book Overeaters Anonymous and other things.  Though I do think the 12 n 12 workbook is an excellent tool, the BBAA is still what I focus my attention on. 

Eating to your health
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I fell off the wagon 3 times.  In 2014 I finally had an epiphany of sorts.  I did not know how to eat well, and all the “advice” I got was mostly wrong for me.  Being the computer geek that I am, I searched for the best, safest and easiest diet I could find.  No matter how I searched, all the research pointed to the Atkins Diet.  So, I built a food plan based on that.  Whole foods heavy in fats, moderate protein, and as few carbs as I could.  I lost 35 pounds the first month.  By week 2 I was never hungry.  I had to set alarms to eat or I would forget.  I had worked my steps at least twice through and started again.  In December of 2014, I found this book:

It changed me again because I learned more about what to eat.  I had started journaling why I ate certain foods in October of 2014.  I came up with my current abstinence after working on it for two weeks:

Abstinence: Eat for the healthy purpose of nutrition. 

(Can you believe it took two weeks for one lousy sentence.  It had to have depth and weight.  This did for me)

So, if I am eating for another reason, I have to decide if I am binging or not. 

 

November 2019, Weight 502 pounds approximately

I was incredibly active in OA in San Diego.  I relocated to Oregon in November of 2017.  I did not seek out OA right away, I got depressed again and probably gained a little weight back.  My insurance company set me up with RealAppeal .  It gave me some accountability, they sent me a food scale, some literature, exercise videos as well as a bathroom scale that could weigh my 495-pound self.  (See Picture).  They have coaches and weekly webinars to help you through.  They are a CICO (Calories In Calories Out) group so I do not follow their meal plans.  I still am Keto, but I do use the accountability.  It has helped.  It also made me seek out OA here, in Oregon.  I am starting back up with meetings and I do online video meetings as well.  One of the meetings I attend, I think I am the only abstinent member.  And most folks here seem to have never opened the BBAA. All I can do is try and be of service. 

August 2019, 448 pounds. 

I have lost 57 pounds over the 10 months of Real Appeal.  I am getting back into OA and I recently was found by somebody who wanted help via video chat.  I now sponsor online.  Though that has its own challenges.  I may post about that later.  Tech is coming, get used to it. 

Why I am sharing my success?  It needs to happen.  I see so many more “I’m struggling” posts.  And for those people, I hope this will be helpful.

If you are in OA and struggling, if you have been reading the material for 10 years, but can’t stay abstinent, remember our program is based on the BBAA!  You might try that.

It worked for me.  

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.

The 10th Step, a Way of Life?

Steps one through nine are about getting fit. Steps ten through twelve are where I live.  These steps are what help me stay in “a fit spiritual condition.”

In doing step work, I found there is a little to be afraid of – I’m only trying to change my life!  My purpose was to learn how to live a life not ruled by emotion and food.  The truth of the matter for me is that Food was the symptom, the emotional aspect was really the cause.  And by accepting I was powerless over my emotions and food, as I came to understand I was insane and  that a Power greater than me could restore my sanity, I made a decision to turn my will and our lives to the care of God, as I learned of my moral failings, admitted to God and another person what I was doing wrong and I became ready to have God remove these defects, and I asked God to remove my shortcomings and I listed all the wrongs I could and made those amends where possible in not causing another harm, I became in Fit Spiritual Condition (FSC).

The 9^th step promises indicate “before we are half-way through, we will come to know serenity” and not when we complete these steps, but as we work them. 

The tenth step is “Continued to take a personal inventory (Step 4) If wrong promptly admits it (Step 5).”  In the description of how to do this works, we get the idea that throughout and at the close of the day, we look at our behavior and decide if we blew it.  Not to smash our brains into a set of rules, but to get the opportunity to set wrongs to right.  The more I set things right, the less I wanted to behave that way again.  It is a process. 

My first “Abstinences” were the usual do not eat this or that. As I learned the steps and came to understand that “abstinence is about stopping compulsive food behavior.”

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is clear that Alcohol is not the problem.  Food is not my problem either.  Even when I weighed 700 pounds, it was about the emotional turmoil vs what I ate. It is about why I ate.  So now it is still about why I eat.  I eat now for nutrition, not for emotional comfort or “self-care.”  And when I am in “a fit spiritual condition” and I have “ceased fighting anything or anyone-“even food. “For by this time sanity will have been returned.” (paraphrased from the big book of AA, page 84)

So there is a question to I ask myself.  Am I better off today than almost 5 years ago, when I started my current abstinence?  There is no question. 

Because of these steps and the tools, I have learned, especially writing, has turned me into a better person.  I lost most of my family the first year I became abstinent.  My Father in law died, my Mother-in-law, I was her-primary caretaker, passed and my own mother died, as well as my adoptive Dad.  Needless to say, it was a rough couple of years.

Currently, I have personal challenges, and my family has challenges.  Guess what? Challenges are a part of life.  It is about how I deal with it.  Do I do so within the confines of the will of God, my Higher Power or do I try and become the director, and try and change my reality to what I want? 

I am no longer the director, and I am happy to Follow those of God to the best of my ability, striving for perfection, though I am not there yet.

In closing my day, I have found better sleep by doing the following as part of my nightly routine. This is how I do my tenth step.

I have reflected through the day, and written in my journal if I did or did not do something.  The last thing I do before going to sleep: I will not access social media, I do not read anything or listen to anything besides my Pink/Brown noise/music.

I look at my daily log.  I review what I need to do.  And I write down any actions I need to do tomorrow.  Finally, I write what I am grateful for today. I pray for the things I need to pray for. By writing it down, and reflecting on it with a view to solution versus blame, in the light of honesty versus wishful thinking, I can then come up with the proper solution with the guidance of My Higher Power.

NOTE: This material is solely the position and thoughts of the writer.  And do not reflect the beliefs of OA or other 12 step programs.  Reprinting and distribution of this material are allowed as long as no compensation is received for its use.  Feel free to use “written by a Compulsive” or another generic moniker.  I am not looking for anything but to share what has worked for me. 

Gregor - Back from the brink! From there and back again. A spiritual Hobbits journey.